go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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