You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
