Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
