Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
