girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
