What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
