Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
