rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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