By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
