so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
