He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
