Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
