I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
