This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
