You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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