this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
