I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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