Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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