i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
