Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
love makes seman taste better
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
