You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
