Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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