I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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