do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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