Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
