mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
