I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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