It's like God shit irony all over that family
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
