If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
