Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
