The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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