That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
