My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
