he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
