3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
