I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
now i know why i became what i already was.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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