capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
