we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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