Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
