at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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