Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
