Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
