if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
