So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
