I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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