he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
