She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You pole danced in your parka.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
