It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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