She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
