Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
