my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
