six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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