why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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