If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
