the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
