Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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