its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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