why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
