Did I show you my penis last night?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
