Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
