at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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