I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
