Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize