someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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