you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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