i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
