Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize