Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
